What’s Up

I’m so tired of wasting time These endless inventions Steal my attention from real life And when its done, when its over
Oh, I want to leave a legacy to be remembered

Sanctus Real “Legacy”

Just updating where I’m at. Bigs things going on. I’m busy and exhausted and fighting to survive spiritually.

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I Deleted Facebook

I haven’t blogged recently but I’m still here. As my blog is titled “Fickle Heart” it honestly couldn’t be more true to describe me. I STILL go back and forth on if I even WANT to blog. But I haven’t deleted my blog yet I did however delete facebook and my twitter account. That isn’t anything new and believe it not I will stick to it. No fickleness there that is for sure. Anyway, more to the point. I wanted to share why I deleted them.

Twitter is really less of distraction than facebook so that decision was not hard at all, I deleted it for the same reason I deleted facebook. Technically I ‘temporarily’ deleted facebook because I may get it back one day. I’ll be honest, I do not have the self control to only be on it limited amounts of time. Having an android phone and a laptop with wi-fi at home makes it so readily accessible. I find myself in the kitchen, laptop on the counter (most likely because I’m cooking a recipe from online), clicking the facebook link while waiting for my pasta to cook and wasting 2 minutes scrolling through the news feed, all while my 2 precious girls are running around the kitchen either pushing their strollers or yelling “mom watch!” To sum it up and not go on with all the dumb details, I don’t want to look back and regret wasted time on social networks reading about other peoples memories they made when I could be making me own. Motherhood is the most important job I have and quite frankly facebook isn’t making me a better mom.

Its been refreshing and fun. I’ve had a good day playing little critters and puzzles with my girls. I believe I have made the right decision and feel confident I won’t regret it!

News Year Goals

Well, the new year is here and I have a few things I would like to accomplish this year. I’ve never really been huge on resolutions, in fact lasts year I didn’t even complete (I don’t think I’ve ever been serious). But I did do other things I was proud of which created growth and ultimately that is all I care about, growth. Not to mention I feel like I have grown ‘more serious’. So I will share with my goals for 2012.

• Read my Bible through in a year. I need to do this. I can’t explain it other than it needs to be done. My husband actually agreed that he too is going to read his.
• Read 12 books this year. This is a pretty big goal. I love to read non-fiction books, its finding the time with having 2 little ones that is the tough part. I either have to wake up early or stay up late to read. I have a list of books I want to read that I am really excited to get my hands on. I want to share “Real Marriage” by Mark Driscoll, “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp, “The Meaning Of Marriage” by Timothy Keller, “Ministry Of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson, “PUSH” by Chalene Johnson.. honestly my list can go on. Basically I think I have enough to help me with my goal is just getting it done!
• I would like to complete another Beachbody program this year. Last year I completed P90X and this year I would like to complete possibly TurboFire or Les Mills Body Pump (see my page here). I have a new love for fitness and healthy eating and plan to continue that.
• I would like to run at least 1 race. Whether thats a 5k or a 1/2 marathon. I have my eye on the half but we shall see.
• Get pregnant.

I am also starting that “maximize your mornings” challenge again with Inspired To Action. It starts next Monday and runs for 90 days. I can’t wait! I feel like its going to be my first day of college classes or something. I have my free Bible study printed, my spread sheets for meal planning, exercising, chores, and devotions, all ready to go! I am excited to really commit this time. In fact, for the past week  and a 1/2 I have been in bed at 10pm and attempted to close my eyes at 10:30 almost every night. I’m off to a great start!

Lots to accomplish this year! I am very excited and a little nervous as the unknown of what a year can bring is always scary. Heres to a great 2012 where I’ll become more disciplined, consistent, and live my life intentionally!

 

Please share with me any resolutions or goals you have for the upcoming year. I always love hearing others and find it inspiring!

 

 

PS. Sorry for any typos. I am going to bed and plan to proof read tomorrow

Happy 3rd Birthday

Happy Birthday to my talkative sweet girly girl Chloe Mae. She has brought us so much JOY,  color and so much love that my heart has never felt so full. She gave me title of mom and forever changed my life. I am honored to be her mom and LOVE my bubble gum lovin’ princess girl so much!

We had her party yesterday. It was just a sweet little one with a few friends from the Y and my husband and I’s families. I made lasagna (recipe found here) with Italian bread and salad. I also made the birthday cake, nothing fancy just the funfetti good stuff. Chloe got some really cute gifts, mostly outfits. She LOVES clothes and asked for those as her birthday present, so we gave  her a trip to Target to pick out her outfit.  However, once she put her new outfit on she took it off about 3 minutes later She is going to be fickle like me! It has been a fun birthday weekend (minus the inconsistent fever and tiredness from my girl getting over strep). 3 years have gone incredibly fast. I wish my girl MANY more birthdays. So blessed and happy!

Looking Back: 2011

The year 2011 was a good year. I feel that I actually made improvement in my growth as a wife and mom. Still not where I want to be but progress is better than nothing. I’ll share just a few high lights of my year (some might seem insignificant, but they are what made my year special and made memories).

• We got an unexpectedly call last January asking Chris for a 2nd interview (when he had had the first one in like November, so naturally we thought he didn’t get the job). He went and got offered a position at a great company we had been trying to get into. Incredibly blessed he got that job, he has worked more than 300 overtime hours. What a blessing to actually be able to make more money than what his pay already is.
• Started P90X March 1st and ended June 3rd. Huge accomplishment for me. I lost all my baby weight and got in the best shape of my life! I actually felt confident in my body and I honestly felt like I could do any physical activity.

• We each bought bicycles and a bike trailer early in the spring. I had SO much fun biking with the girls this summer. It was almost a daily thing right before supper we would trek on down to the park nearby.
• We also had pool passes this summer so basically if it was hot and sunny, we were at the pool! The pool doesn’t open til noon so that was tricky since it happened to be about the time they napped but they adjusted and since we had passes I felt we could stay as long as we could handle. Many memories were had and Chloe still talks about the pool.
• This year the girls went to their first amusement park, Adventureland. It was a scorching hot day! We rode some rides but it was so hot and Ayla already wasn’t feeling well we ended up making a trip to the ER after. But let me tell you, during our time there my heart was exploding with love for them seeing their faces on the rides. What JOY they bring!
• Our first trip to the Des Moines zoo was this year. It was fun to see the girls see all the different animals. Ayla didn’t really care about the animals but Chloe liked a few. It was good entertainment for us to be all together, eating a picnic and just spending quality time.
• Celebrated Ayla’s first birthday June 10th. Always a big milestone celebrating birthdays, especially the first one. So many what ifs, so many unknowns. She did it! We did it! So thankful for a healthy girl.

• Made some new friendships this year. So thankful and excited to see where they go.

Didn’t attend any funerals, nothing life changing happened. We are all healthy and happy. I am so grateful to God.

‘Cause one day you will turn around she’ll be gone

I am reading “Bringing Up Girls” by Dr. James Dobson and he said that childhood is but a’ brief’ moment. I have not experienced that as my girls are currently in their childhood but I can probably take him at his word that he is right.

This song by Stephanie Bentley (I’ve actually never heard it just read the lyrics) touched my heart to the core and brought tears to my eyes.

Her mama bought her a hopechest
To keep her dreams inside
All the precious memories
Little things she’d like to hide
A magic wand, an old rag doll
Some plastic pearls ’cause after all

A little girl is only a little girl so long
And tender hearts need their stars to wish upon
‘Cause one day you will turn around and she’ll be gone
A little girl is only a little girl so long

One day when she got home from school
She slipped a little note
Beneath the tattered lining
And here is what he wrote
“Roses are red, violets are blue”
“Put an X in the box if you like me too”

A little girl is only a little girl so long
And tender hearts need their stars to wish upon
‘Cause one day you will turn around and she’ll be gone
A little girl is only a little girl so long

They married in the garden on a perfect July day In a horse and carriage they waved and rode awayMama went inside to put away her wedding dressAnd spotted a letter lying on the old hopechest

It said…
A little girl is only a little girl so long
Your lonely heart might need a star to wish upon
So look inside once in a while to bring the memories home
A little girl is only a little girl
And I will always be your little girl…
So long

The thought of my girls grown just shakes me. I know it’ll come and by then I will most likely be more ready. For now, I am embracing this season of raising of kids, enjoying their company and the color that they bring in my life. I take parenting so serious, this is THEE most important job in my life. They are what motivates me. I see life as so fleeting and I see them and have wishes for who I want them to be and as Kat from from Inspire To Action asked her readers the question “who do you want your kids to be?” — Be that.
That hit home, I HAVE to get my act together. And as Pastor Phil said on Sunday

“The days aren’t just for getting through, there for living“

Time Is Fleeting

Every single night my heart is so full of love for my girls. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I had. It could have been busy, or boring, or sad, or a great day. It never fails I reflect on what a joy the day was with my girls, recounting the funny, silly, and lovely things that happened.

One thing that is constantly scrolling across the bottom of my brain is “embrace each moment because life is but a vapor” (something along those lines at least). It is at the forefront of my mind. I literally think and breathe that day in and day out. Some people might not know that about me because I don’t necessarily vocalize it, but I about burst thinking about it. I’m constantly thinking how blessed I am to have another chance at life each morning, and well, each night (knowing I made it through the day). I see my husband and I thank God for just 1 more day with him. Its just who I am and how I think.

I have such a pressing on my heart each day for change. I desire so much to know God and who He is because I know that life makes the most sense with him. I know that life IS short and I so badly don’t want to waste it. Knowledge gained, time spent, things done, all apart from God is just pointless. And I am so stuck there. So stuck with useless things wasting rotting away.

My girls are my motivation to persevere and move towards to my goal, to know God. They encourage me so much to become a better woman. To become who God wants me to be. I refuse to give up. I refuse to give up just because its a battle every day to do what is so hard. To break away from stupid addictions like the internet, or naps, or silence. And to fight to become consistent and disciplined. To mature and seek Jesus with all that am.

Time is so short. Are you living your life  desperately seeking what you are looking for? Living fulfilled and satisfied? Living out your purpose? Do you even know your purpose? I challenge you to think about these things. As James 4:14 says:

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”

 

Me and my girls this Thanksgiving. The best gift ever, being a mom.

My girl

 

My treasures

 

my other girl